I’m just going to say (write?) it: I miss Tumblr. I miss sitting in my dorm room, in the dark, re-blogging the same vaporwave imagery ad infinitum because it somehow captured the perpetual melancholic mood I was in at the time—no doubt a result of, like, six years of unrequited love.
I miss my old Blogger, née Blogspot, which I treated like a public diary, going on about outfits procured at various thrift shops in the East Village, music I was listening to at the time, and, of course, boys I had pined for.
It was also a place for me to practice writing comedy, to try to emulate the satirical content I was voraciously consuming from places like McSweeney’s and Shouts & Murmurs—all while trying to unearth a voice all my own. It was gloriously unhinged, of course. Because of which, I’ve bent over backwards trying to scrub away any trace of evidence of it from every corner of the internet.
Don’t get me wrong: everything I dreamt about in those days has come true. I’m an author now, with an actual book out in the world. After years of rejection from The New Yorker, I’ve finally had—not one, but two (!!!)—humor pieces run in Shouts & Murmurs in the past year. I regularly contribute to the same outlets I would have written down on my vision board were I someone who had anything remotely similar to a vision board.
There is still a part of me that misses carving out their own tiny space on the internet without adhering to myriad house rules, editorial voice, and everything else I have to take into account when writing for a publication. So, when I was presented with the opportunity to write a newsletter, I was like, "Duh."
At long last, here it is, my excuse to populate content WITH AS MANY EM DASHES AS I PLEASE. Some commas will be spared, SOME WILL NOT. CAPS LOCK TURNED ON PERMANENTLY, HO.
If that doesn’t convince you to subscribe to my newsletter, let me breakdown. But also, let me break down what exactly you can expect to be delivered to your inbox every week:
1. Life: My life is a nesting doll of horrors. (Another perk of having my own newsletter! Unbridled misanthropy. *Swoon*) I just had a blood clot removed from MY LITERAL BUTT. My IBS rules everything around me. I’ve somehow had a headache for longer than I’ve been alive???? Really, this is just a space for me to metabolize everything I go through with humor, like how I’m in pain every single day LOLOLOL. A lot of this section will focus on chronic illness, but I might also dole out 1,500 words about Jade’s improvised Covergirl commercial from America’s Next Top Model. Ergo the broad label of “Life.”
2. Literature: If you follow me on social media, you are well aware that the only things I post about are dissociating at Panera Bread and books. I read—a lot. Both for work and for pleasure. But because I cannot cover every single book within the outlets I write for, I want to use this space to spotlight any books that I am otherwise unable to cover, books that flew under the radar, and books that aren’t new—because they deserve our love and attention, too. Look out for a book round-up once a month!
3. Lexapro: Not to brag, babe, but I’m a triple-threat (anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder), and it would be selfish of me not to share my talents with the entire world!
I hope you’ll consider letting me slide—JK, I’m not graceful; I’d probs slide and scrape my knee—into your inbox once a week. It would mean a lot to me, because I’m really excited to write this newsletter. Also, my appetite for validation is insatiable. But, most importantly, serotonin is so very precious—and so hard to come by these days!—and I hope you’ll let me help protect yours.
With love and sporadic negativity,
Logo design: James Jeffers
Editorial assistant: Jesse Adele