This week’s newsletter goes out to all my fellow chronic depressos: now is our time. We are a special breed, aren’t we? We don’t need midnight to come directly after lunch in order for us to fall into a depressive state, but we are only the more
sad powerful for it. Of course, we stand in solidarity with our seasonal depresso brethren, for we all live with the same cerebral roommate. And what is more in the spirit of holidays than coming together as one band of melancholy misfits?
String lights are for everyone, but especially those looking to—sorry in advance—brighten their moods. Below are fifteen tips and tricks for decorating your space with string lights to make up for the general quality-of-life deficit brought on by misfired neurotransmitters!
1. Think about wrapping string lights around a metal wire bed frame to create that Pinterest-worthy ambiance only to end up cramming them into a dusty mason jar instead. (It’s the thought that counts!)
2. Don’t have a light fixture hanging over your dining room table? Do literally nothing about that. It’s not like you have the energy to hang two strands of globe lights low over your eating space. Drape some string lights over your microwave and call it a day.
3. Don’t have a dining room table? Follow the above and just eat over the sink.
4. Is your ZZ plant as sad as you are? Fret not! Gently wrap its leaves with fairy lights and forget about them altogether until you have to buy a new plant, sometime next spring once you have realized that this one has died.
5. Use lights to send a message! Why drop money on a neon sign when you can create your own version with some string lights and small nails? Create your own letters and/or words to spell things out like, “BORN 2 BROOD,” “SEND SSRI’S,” and “NO.”
6. Frame a décor piece with string lights, like that mug of tea that’s been steeping in the corner for four days now, or the pile of laundry that’s been waiting to be put away since last Tuesday. Guaranteed to accentuate any room!
7. String lights are perfect for adorning a large, empty wall. In theory. In practice? Depends on many things like your mood, your level of creativity, and your overall energy. If just reading this one makes you want to lie down, see number one.
8. Use string lights to direct attention upwards (to distract from the fact that one end of your fitted sheet slipped off your mattress and you can’t be bothered to fix it anytime soon, or to avert eyes from the moldy pear on your nightstand).
9. Tip a delivery person an extra 40% to hog-tie you with string lights and see if that helps????????
10. Add height to any room with some strands of string lights. And by room, I mean your depression fort.
11. Spice up your string-light game by using clothespins to hang small artwork from your fairy lights or—if you want to think outside the box—the bevy of duck sauce packets from your kitchen drawer or empty prescription bottles of varying sizes. Chic!
12. You could opt for the rustic aesthetic of intertwining lights with several feet of rope, but who has the emotional capacity for that???? “Not I,” said this sad bitch! Substitute the several feet of rope with the receipts floating around the bottom of your myriad of tote bags. Bonus: frame a doorway with them.
13. Frame your mirror with string lights to reflect more light into your room since the sun has no interest in doing so after, like, three p.m.
14. Is your space cluttered? (Of course it is.) This is the perfect opportunity! Lean into your clutter. Use it to your advantage! Get creative! Create a fun little path for yourself. Play with layers. Experiment with depth. It’s like a Yayoi Kusama exhibit in your own house—if you squint.
15. Uh oh, tangled lights? Try again next year.